she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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