Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
