Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
