Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
