so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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