so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
