y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
