Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
