I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
