Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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