Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
