She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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