just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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