woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
