He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
