I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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