is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
