Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
