FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
