It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
