Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
