We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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