I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
