i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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