So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
