Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
