I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
