So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
