your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
