you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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