im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
