i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
