But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
