guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
