so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
