Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
