No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
