If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
false alarm, still single
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
