Can Purell be used as lube?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
