My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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