my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
