I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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