So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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