wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
