I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
