is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
