I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
