so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
