I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
