Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
