I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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