Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
