Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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