you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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